I do not know where, but I want to leave.
Yesterday I went to see the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" with Miriam. At the end of the film, I stared at the screen and I burst into tears. A life lesson this movie kicked ass. When the phrase "We have one life to live to live." Makes sense. I'm back in my head full of projects, but also a little whack.
I want an addition to that of paint my ceiling in my kitchen. Because yes, now is the only goal I am.
I refused to do so some time ago, but I just learn for unpaid work. Or deferred for a few months. I bitch, but it's a good feeling. I'm going to meet someone to human resources for more information.
I think, I'm happy, but before this sudden panic pleasant stands the big, bad money factor. Yes, I can take a deferred work. It means that I must still pay my flat, my accounts ... the machine does not stop even if I leave. If I go six months, I have 80% of my salary for 3 years. It's a lot less money this. I tell myself that I could pay my credit card before. But crime, I can not leave for a while. Cut release, cut all that I can cut.
Suddenly, the barriers that stood before me when I did touch on the idea come from breaking in half. If I close my eyes and imagine that I go, I feel like I was in the Goliath, and my waist was let go at any time. It's horrible sensation, but then I know it's not a regret, it is a satisfaction it a great opportunity. This freedom that everyone wanted, I could grasp it.
I am looking for. I want more I think. I am well, but nothing more. I seek what I would be happy, I can feel free.
Sometimes my boss I pitched a packet of documents to be photocopied and I looked up and smiled. As if he said to me: Here in vla a reason why you would go away. Let's go, you deserve more than that. I love finding posts where there is surely not. My job. It's ok. Very well, I have responsibilities beautiful, but everything is gained. A daily routine, comfortable, safe, but what else? A meeting to organize any leader to convene a letter to correct, sorting mail, empty my voicemail ... I'm maybe not a career woman.
Right now, I feel to be inked in a cult, that of little comfort. My job, my daily life, my little apartment, my circle of friends. My job can wait, I do not even know if I'll do it all my life after all. My daily makes me feel like I had no life and my apartment ... there will always a way to pay if I get a grace period.
What I have to lose honestly? Life will go on if I go, the world will recover from my absence ... But, I bitch.
I also fear, fear of not wanting to return, afraid to find my life so platonic after so much freedom.
I also fear, fear of not knowing what to do, to suddenly feel any resourceful all alone in the world.
I'm afraid too afraid to miss some stuff with my world ... my goddaughter's baby Djoudjou, my friends ...
But if I do not do it soon, I never will.
I need to read testimonials, read good and bad sides to hear the stories. Talk with the world who do not know what to do with what life has to offer right now, people like me lost, which ultimately does not even know the purpose of the adventure ...
I do not even know where I want to go, what I want to do what I want to see ... I suddenly feel any more resourceful. What do I do, go buy a ticket and I'm open for return? I work? I sleep in youth hostels? I have to make a connection? What we bring in a backpack for adventure? I need a visa? I must have much money? I should work on weekends and pick up my money? Save before leaving? I should go for how long? Europe, too expensive for a first trip of this caliber? I should look to South America? I lack the guts. I miss this separation with my little comfort ... too bad I lack a well-padded bank account!
A friend wrote to me: Just do it. Ah ...
ciborium it expensive freedom.
is ironic. This afternoon, a former manager came to the hospital. Before, it was the boss of my boss, but she retired. A woman of experience and someone imposing on the map career, in short, a lady who is the model for many people. She was in the hallway with my boss and I came in the other direction. She looked at me all along and neared her, she looked at my boss, saying:
"small is beautiful. Take care. I hope she will stay long. It is good. "
I was really touched. Especially coming from her, wow ...
My boss who told him:
"Oh yes, we'll keep a long time."
In my head, I thought ... it always happens when you think you go ...
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