Finally, the month of March arrived.
Today, everyone at work seemed to be in a good mood, it was sunny outside, people were eager to take the air out.
I returned home and wanted to enjoy the beautiful weather (although the Park in front of our thaws, it smells like shit, but a good sign that spring is not too far). I went walking on Mount Royal, the street that I love so much, the streets of all celebrity impersonators (although I still sometimes seen Marie Plourde), the street where almost everyone is beautiful and smiling , where I can buy my beloved mochaccino ...
short, a nice little walk ...
At one point, I started getting really hot. I Feels dizzy. I had a PIC. A feeling of rage in me. I wanted to put her hands on my hips and yell: GIVE ME A CIGARETTE OSTIA.
When does this will happen, when is it that I can stop holding my breath when I pass someone who smokes not to feel the aroma of cigarettes? Because yes, I think it smells good, because yes, I have cravings every day, I have moments in a day yet where I shake because I'm missing ...
And the weather is fine and the more I want to leave smoking. The more I say ahhh hell, do I stick it?
It's a fight everyday and I think it's also a fight of a lifetime. A smoker is a smoker. I guess it will eventually be less difficult. I spent four months.
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there are moments in your life when you really asked what you wanted? Small wrongdoing?
Unanswered questions, fear, that of not succeeding in life.
Little did I doubt that I'll be there in my life at age 25. Little did I say that if I finally bit.
I love my little sister is the person I love most in the world and I want to say that it makes me really happy to move with her this summer. But then what? I'm 25.
I saw myself in the apartment with my boyfriend (me and would take again, I'd have to think hire me one day), with at least one child and a driver's license.
That's it, I'll say: I feel looser. I feel I have no life.
I see people who are happy around me and that's pleasing to see, but I stay in my bubble. I stay there and people seem happy and I push away my bigger bubble around me.
Nothing to answer, but I need to write, I need to say it, but I do not know how it would come out ...
I also wonder if this is not my destiny. I do not so fiercely on me, but honestly, I ask myself: What if I was not to be happy? It may certainly not it?
If I was not meant to be in love?
If I was not born to be happy?
I bawled for months to get the job I have now. I wanted to, I told myself that I would be happier ...
And there it goes, I like it, I do not think I would change, but it is the routine that loads it like that and nothing more. I try to give me a challenge, but one point, my head is exhausted looking. I do my job, I do what I ask myself and even more and I do overtime.
However, I have dreams in my head.
Dreams of travel 2. Travel in all senses of the word.
The dream of knowing what is true love, to feel butterflies, smile for anything to be with someone without much fear of tomorrow ... (and that, I still wonder if I 'm destined for that).
The dream of being able to compete to get what I want.
The dream not to let money bring my happiness.
The dream of being a mother in full bloom.
The dream of being proud of me and not something destructive.
The dream of just getting up the morning and be happy without specific reasons.
Maybe yes, maybe all I can do is dream ...
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